Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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