Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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