i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
