worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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