i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
