Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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