Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
