so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
