I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
