Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
