best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
