Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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