You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
