Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
