Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I will pee on everything he values.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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