when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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