Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
