i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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