what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
