Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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