he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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