Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
