there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
