Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
