she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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