omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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