He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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