I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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