Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
