return my video game
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
