your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
