That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
