moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
only if we run a train.
done.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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