You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
