Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
