It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
