you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sorry my hands just texted you
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
