you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
