woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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