I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
