I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
