So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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