Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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