Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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