I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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