i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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