the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
