Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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