Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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