Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
