Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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