People in love make me want to vomit
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
