allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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