The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
