There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm at about main and main street
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
