Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
