Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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