they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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