You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
