She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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